Our Ever-Changing, Love-Killing Lives

First and foremost, I’d like to take this time to thank all those guys who broke my heart way back when. I owe my emotional education all to you; my hardened face, my poison memories, the decisions I made in spite of you that have now, in turn, shaped my life. I thought I’d let you all know I’ve recently made the decision to become enlightened. No, I do not wear a robe, and yes, I do still get angry. It has not been an easy task; mostly I have to constantly remind myself of my goal so I can actively maintain a clear and weightless mindset. I thought my thoughts would trouble me less in this new life I hope to lead. Or maybe I thought the universe would benefit more from some tiny vessel of clarity and hope in my small corner of the world. But after all the reading, researching, and yoga classes my schedule would allow, there was something I could not understand. They say to live dharma, there are several things you must do (or not do, rather) and of those things, to love is one of the most important. Do not only love your friend or love your husband, but fill your whole heart with love, so that it may resound within your entire being. Your love is meant to spread through your every fiber and extend itself into the universe, reverberate off every living thing. Except… what happens when your love is shut out and thrown away? Does Love wrap itself in a heart-shaped blanket for shelter from the cold? Does Love beg for food or ask for loose change spared from an idle stranger? Maybe I’ll need a guru to help me figure this one out, but people simply don’t accept love like they used to. I mean, sure, it’s not the 60s anymore, but that doesn’t mean love can’t still be free. Slowly and surely I’ve been finding that people are afraid. People are so absolutely terrified of the idea of letting love in that they reject it altogether. Which leaves us lovers here with nothing.

"Amori" by MeghanAlexandra

Our way of life has become to fight against our own happiness. Unfortunately, it’s not particularly easy to avoid bogging down our daily lives with our trials and tribulations of the hour, it’s just so crucial that we try.  We work hard and study hard, make friends, break up with our girlfriends and boyfriends, get divorced and hope the next one will be better. But what would happen if we stopped fighting? What would happen if the most important things weren’t where we were going or “what are we doing tomorrow?” or “where do I see myself in 10 years?” or “is this what’s right for me?” What if the most important thing was being here now? Then what? Then we will realize perfection. My direction is not to get rid of hopes and dreams and nearly achieved goals. It is simply do what you can to do what you love… and be satisfied. Our lives don’t have to be ever-changing. They already are. Our stress does not enhance them. We were not born to act at rapid speed, making left and right turns through life to reach the next level as soon as possible. We are here to be here. The rest is just detail, extraneous or not. Overthinking is overrated and I like to overthink just as much as the next person, but I’ve learned that it does me no good. If I could just forget to analyze every cause and effect, every action and reaction of my day, that’s when I will know true solidarity. I truly believe if we just “let it be” we would reach that untouchable place we only dream of. We would find in one moment of peace, an eternity of love and graciousness, simplicity and sunshine. All I’m asking is that you please, please, please, don’t forget to love… because it could make all the difference in the world.

I would have you laugh, love, and read to me. As long as you were with me, in this moment, for now.

We’re All Just So Fabulous

“Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that’s just fabulous.”

-Carrie from Sex and the City

Although foolish they may seem, those crazy girls from Sex and the City happen to get it right every once in a while. Although they find ways to work themselves into trouble or stumble into a risky romance, they find a way to make up for it. A day at the salon or lounging in the sun, a wild vacay or some naughty fun; they’ve got the “you” love right. As Carrie reminds us, “the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself,” and so, I will ask you to love yourself today. Love yourself like no one else will.

Or maybe treat yourself to some Italian chocolates... mmmmm

I, however, will not be loving myself today. In fact, I will be studying long and hard for a dreaded exam that awaits me tonight at 8… except it seems as though my study materials are currently locked in my friend’s room. So as I wait, I thought I’d give my brain a quick-fix and type up some lovely comfort for my very few avid readers, (I suspect there are more of you closet WECOT lovers than you’ve let on, but then again, maybe not.) Anywho, it’s Springtime again, which means I should be blogging a lot more than usual. There’s a chance I have seasonal affective disorder and the winter months do me no good for inspiration. I joke about the disorder, but seriously, these winters are long and I get freaking cold. Ciao!

Meeting Miracles

Cherish every meeting with someone. The odds of not meeting in this life are so great that every meeting is like a miracle.

-Yoko Ono

It’s true. Every encounter is with meant with purpose just as every conversation leaves you with something more than the day before. To meet a person is to enrich your life beyond that of any life you could have on your own. With each passing glance, and smile, and touch, people become landmarks in our lives; stationed on the side of the road, whichever road that may be. They are what make our strides worth while and if you have not yet come to realize that, you soon will. Mark my words, a most profound person will enter your life and you will marvel at the person you’ve become once they’ve left.

"A Close Encounter" Suzy by MeghanAlexandra

An Integral Part of a Girl’s Life

As I sit in my lovely safe haven of Borders amongst fellow coffee and book lovers alike, I suddenly become aware of a conversation being held a few tables down. Two women- one slightly plump, rosy-cheeked, curly haired woman, possibly in her early to mid-30s; and the other hidden from view, paying eager attention to her bubbly friend. They discuss particulars and obscurities, the rosy-cheeked woman declaring she will be having yogurt for dinner (I assume she is attempting to take on the dreadful, obligatory task felt by every woman—to manage her weight). “Rosy” continues to simultaneously converse, vent, and possibly seek refuge from her stressful life just as I have done. I feel somehow connected to these women. I want to be their friend, maybe come enjoy a coffee every Tuesday evening to review the trials of the week before.

I know every man, even some women, hold girly time with very little regard. Admittedly, often times I think I turn out to be one of those women—glancing over at two young girls gossiping with disdain. However, no matter how petty, mundane, or completely mindless, there is something essential about a good girl chat. It is something that husbands and boyfriends will never understand; they will shake their heads at us as we chirp away. Fathers will discourage it, for they grow wary of the incessant, indiscernible chatter.  Mothers will advise against for it may get you into trouble (depending upon the discussion, of course). Unfortunately, what the men don’t get and the mothers realize but will never admit is that aside from our daily activities, our hobbies, and responsibilities- our gossip is something that can never be taken away from us. That, and it will always be there to connect us. Sisters, cousins, mothers and daughters, aunts, old friends, new friends, and faraway friends. Sometimes we all just need to be silly—have a good cry, laugh, or exchange recipes—these insignificant things represent the light we look for when our tunnel has grown dark, very dark. So forgive us if we may seem foolish. Excuse us if we appear to be ignorant of the greater part of our Universe for that moment in time. And please accept us for our silly nature, because sometimes, girls just want to have fun.

A Softer World

Nyquill, Buddha, and Some Confetti Cake

What do you do when you can’t sleep? Watch movies back-to-back until it’s too late to fall asleep (you have to wake up in two hours anyway). Not only does the staying awake exhaust you, but your means of keeping yourself occupied do, as well. I watch movies only so that I don’t have to trouble myself anymore with the same thoughts that contaminate my head throughout the day. I forbid that I make myself crazy thinking those same thoughts over throughout my night. If I’m lucky, I’ll become so fed up that I’ll inspire myself with all my frustration and finally bring myself to write (this rarely happens). Tonight just happened to be one of those nights. To no surprise, I just needed to articulate the predicament in which I seem to have found myself.

Perhaps my inability to sleep these past few weeks simply has to do with an emotional surplus. I think the more I feel, the less I rest—which suddenly makes things so much clearer. Actually, now I really do see it. Of course I can’t sleep. I am irritated beyond belief, and yet, content to a point of confusion. I am determined, driven towards anxiousness, and I am in love, deep enough that if my head were to explode it would yield flower petals and remnants of confetti cake. I believe that will, essentially, make a person quite unstable… and possibly leave him or her with an insatiable need to take way too much Nyquil and knock out for a few days in a somber coma.

I received a lovely gift for Christmas… an amethyst pendant with a small Buddha charm strung to the middle of it, which I wore today for the first time. The amethyst, intended for meditation, is supposed to promote peace. Taking this into account, I think I should probably wear it more often. If anyone else has some helpful tips to aid a fretful insomniac, by all means, do not hesitate to contact Yours Truly. Goodmorning or goodnight, you shall be hearing from me soon.

Some people are afraid of what they might find if they try to analyze themselves too much, but you have to crawl into your wounds to discover where your fears are. Once the bleeding starts, the cleansing can begin.

-Tori Amos

Pessimists Discover Nothing

Maybe it’s just my personality to avoid anything that could potentially weigh heavily on my heart and mind, but for some reason I feel like every little thing is gonna be alright… because I just don’t see how it couldn’t. At the end of the day it’s all life’s simple pleasures that keep you going. I’m sitting here thinking, “well now, things couldn’t possibly get any worse.” However, I find myself thankful for that thought because it is just as much my silver lining as it is a terrible truth. Things cannot get any worse. Things can only get better from here on out. Either that or there will simply be a plateau, and as far as I’m concerned, that’s significantly better than anything else going incredibly wrong. Everything might seem to be falling apart but it’s my tiny little pleasures that put a smile on my face and a pep in my step, like running into some lovely Kiwis I haven’t seen in a good long while, or sitting across from my British boy crush in Starbucks… or my new sweater that thankfully is just so comfy.

I think people get genuinely upset with me because of my tendency to distance myself from any extra obligatory activities, but I’m surprised at how much my friends seem to barely know me at all. My focus is always 100% where I am and what I’m doing, and to interrupt my balance is something that ultimately leaves me irritable and resentful. It’s surely a flaw of mine, but I’m only human. I dislike the pressures of having to keep my relationships nurtured and tidy. I’m just too busy for it. If I didn’t have to deal with certain aspects of my life until it was required of me I wouldn’t. It may offend people or come off as completely flaky, but I’m in and out of my life as frequently as the changing of the tide. It was hard for me to accept this of myself at first, now I just need everyone else to. That might take a while. All I ask is for some patience, some patience so that I may mend and work out all the inconsistencies in my life and I can find a common ground between where I am and where you are and where I want to be.

No pessimist ever discovered the secret of the stars, or sailed to an uncharted land, or opened a new doorway for the human spirit.

-Hellen Keller

"Urban Decay" by MeghanAlexandra

 

Crazy

I guess I should have declared myself on a blog hiatus in my last post seeing as it’s been months since I’ve written. Although it may be to your disbelief, it was harder for me not to write. Sure, it may have been a lovely vacay and I was able to suppress the guilt of having started something it looked like I was seemingly unable to finish, but the repercussions are proving to be quite detrimental. Without realizing or intending to, I created With Every Cup of Tea to serve as my antidote to life and all its tribulations. I had used it to serve as my own healing process. Thus, when I stopped writing I ultimately backslid into the pit of all that had been cured in my previous months of blogging. And now, here I am, picking up the pieces. I may attribute my “leave of absence” to my Fall semester back at Stony Brook (because let us not fool ourselves– it’s been slightly hectic), but that would be unfair– I’ve had almost too much to write about, and I’ve evolved even more from when I first began With Every Cup of Tea. I’ve incurred life experience after life experience and at the end of my semester I find myself pent up with all this anxiety fermenting inside of me. I suddenly am able to understand just how true of a purpose writing does and always will hold for me. My words always see me through, and so, I must see them through. I must try my utmost to ensure they connect the minds of others so that I may salvage some sort of peace… and at the end of my day, all I really want is peace.

I’m not making up my mind about anything right now. Things are happening so quickly for me, and I’m still in the thinking stage.

-Patsy Cline

"A Long Walk Home" Paul Jr. by MeghanAlexandra